Something Good? — September 9, 2016

Something Good?

I’ve been told a lot.

That, because I was raised in a single parent household, I was damaged.

That, because I was raised and taught that I didn’t “need” a man to do or give me anything I was “too independent” – which would cause problems in my future relationships. One uni discussion, cut short, concluded with me being told that I wouldn’t be able to submit to my husband, and that if my husband cheated leaving would be the wrong decision as I would be splitting up my family. This scholarly word came from someone from two parent household, who’s mother was not being treated very respectfully and so I was not greatly concerned or pressed to change my mind.

I can admit that not seeing a successful relationship “work” growing up had me feeling that I was one step behind everyone else. The “successful relationship cheat codes” had not been downloaded into my subconscious so alarm bells” would alert me to guys who weren’t worth my time. Now I realise that  men are a major that God blessed me with healthy eyes and ears, common sense and a small circle. 

Recently I met someone new and this guy is good, the wholesome kind. He comes from a good family, he’s got a degree, works full time, goes to church and has high standards – in a good way. And ambitious. That’s probably my favourite thing about him. He knows what he wants, he seeks good advice and he’s working towards his goal. He’s ambitious to the point that he inspires me to be improve in every aspect of my life.

My second favourite thing is that he’s not sleazy or in a rush to get in the “cookie jar”.

But you know what people say, if something seems too good, it probably is.

But I like him, so I’m gonna see where this goes…

I Tried a Little Tinder-ness — September 6, 2016

I Tried a Little Tinder-ness

A few weeks ago, after a lot of protest, I gave in and joined Tinder.

Some of my  wariness stemmed from my “lack of greatness” with social network-y stuff. I’m not someone who enjoys constantly posting pictures and videos of my life and rarely even change my WhatsApp display picture. However that isn’t really an issue with Tinder and from what I had heard, wasn’t really what its users used it for – which was my main concern.

Its not serious! It will be fun! This is what people do now. Our generation aren’t supposed to be funny about things like this! These young kids in school and college know how to generate thousands of followers on social media just like that *snaps fingers*! It’s our parents’ generation who are meant to be all “funny” when it comes to technology and the internet! Stop being silly and set yourself up before I do one for you using the pictures I have of you on my phone and start talking to people for you!

“……….”  – was my protest.

So, I changed my first name on Facebook, set myself up and started swiping. Left. A lot! Lol. Boy, were the pickings slim for a girl with my taste, but swiping through the profiles was fun. There are some A* weirdos out there. Guys dressed as nuns, guys sleeping on trains, guys flexing in the gym, guys trying to be deep..  Then I saw him, swiped right and “bloop” it was match! Which was fun until I realised things were about to get real.

I had just set up my profile and swiped right, so to have a match already meant he was swiping too, so he was awake and was probably going to message me any second! Well it was actually a few minutes later. Thankfully happy hour earlier had not warn off so conversation flowed pretty easily, on my side most importantly. Numbers were exchanged a few days later and we met up after about a week.

It was a rainy, he chose the location, a south London cocktail bar, and luckily for me I arrived first so I could remove my head wrap, and hoodie, and be sitting seductively at the table when he arrived.

His profile pic was nice but in person I was impressed and did I mention he was French. He looked and smelt nice, his teeth were clean and he had a really good sense of humour. After a few hours, and several rounds, he asked if I was hungry as he was going home to cook something for dinner, I can’t remember what what now. I did the best version of quick thinking I could…. and agreed.

He’s a good chef and we both enjoyed his “meal”.

After, we watched S1 E1 of Power which I had spoken about earlier in the evening as he had heard of it but not started watching it yet before I called an uber and left.

We still talk but I have now deactivated my account.

Putting The ‘End’ In Friendship — September 4, 2016

Putting The ‘End’ In Friendship

Not everything that has stood the test of time is meant to last forever..

For example when a long term friend does their best to spoil your entire holiday that ‘they’ invited you on and ‘you’ paid for – that “friendship” has reached the end of the road…

Similarly don’t be slow to cut off someone who’s been good to you for 11 years the first time they intentionally lie to get what they want from you because they know you’d turn them down if you knew the truth.

Or a friend who knowingly sleeps with your boyfriend. ( No brainer)

Or a friend who doesn’t return money you lent. (Another no brainer)

Before you start pitying me let me just confirm that only one of the above has happened to me the rest happened to friends of mine – that I haven’t cut off. I just wanted to give some real life examples of situations where “knowing someone for a long time” does not count for sh*t. You just have to cut them one off.

At times that decision can be easy but when it isn’t you just need remember that they are an adult and made their decision to disrespect you already so you as, as an adult, need to make a decision to show them you aren’t a doormat. If it helps, take yourself out of the situation and imagine a friend was telling you the story, what would your reaction be?

Obviously after knowing someone for years you would have built a connection and will miss them and all the good times, as I did but – things have now changed. And the friendship you offer is a privilege that they have proven not to deserve.

 

So tell me, what situations have caused you or people you know so decide that once (or twice was enough) and severe their ties with people?

 

Medal Free — August 23, 2016

Medal Free

Not last, but not enough to rank..

Winning is always the objective but not necessarily the outcome. The past 3 months have been an uncomfortable learning experience. Turns out, the little that I thought I knew about ‘stuff’ was wrong.

I’ve crossed milestones, had to cut off a “friend” and come to the annoying realization that mum (yet again) was right.

To those looking in, I appear to be doing ok but the more I sit and reflect the further I feel from ok.

Scrolling through one of my favourite Instagram follows recently, @loveychuhtha, I came across an Olympics themed question to the gist of – where were you in life in 2012? And his followers gave some real, honest answers – mostly bad. I had a good old read but chickened out of sharing my own story…

Summer 2012 I was 21, confident, about to go on my first holiday (all friends/ no family) and felt ready to conquer the world. I had no idea that after returning from Portugal and working my summer job at London 2012 I would begin my final year at uni which would turn my whole life upside down. I would balloon 2.5 stones in the coming months, graduate into a field I hated, and not recognise and appreciate the truly amazing people God brought into my life that year.

Four years on I’m 11 months into a decent job that I strongly dislike, am ready for a drastic career change but unsure of the direction. On a positive note I recently went to Cyprus with friends and am maybe 1.25 stones (give or take the decimals) lighter lol. I  have several amazing people in my life, mostly long term but a few new *wink*.

Thankfully I’m no longer in that situation but things are not feeling very bright at the moment. At the same I feel that I am at the stage of bad that comes just before a situation drastically improved – but let’s no get too carried away.

 

The most annoying thing is that I feel so close to “being there”. A few well thought through decisions could have me where I want to be.

I know I’m not alone here? Most of my friends hate their day job and salivate over their dreams of being free from the 9 to 5’s and financial obligations. But they’re just here, plotting, stuck.

How has your situation changed  from 2012 to now? Are you tired of your current job ? What would your ideal career be and why? How close are you to achieving it?

 

Someday Is Today — June 20, 2016

Someday Is Today

I love a good motivational quote!

I am passionate about living a happy and meaningful life and try my hardest (and mostly fail) to be that person all the time. And quotes definitely help. Particularly on a Sunday night or Monday morning as you prepare yourself mentally to put on your work personality that you’ll be wearing for the next five days.

Today is a good day to have a good day“, I read this morning as I waited for my bus in the rain …

 

Moments like that I do wish my talents were getting me somewhere.

 

A few weeks ago my colleague was telling me about a guy who used to work at the company. He was in his early 20’s and dj’d several nights during the week. He frequently arrived over an hour late for work (#Badman) and drank multiple energy drinks throughout the day. Now I don’t envy how he must have felt when the fatigue hit him in between Redbull’s but the passion he had for music must have felt amazing for him to have kept that up! And that is what I want in my life.

Unfortunately, “I have bills and I like them to be paid” (s/o Cardi B) hence the stable 9.30 to 6, the fact that I don’t just runaway from everything and the need for anonymously written encouragement!

 

“Be who you needed when you were younger”. This is probably my quote of the week.

Growing up I was always encouraged to do my best and repeatedly told that there was nothing I couldn’t achieve if I set my mind to it and worked hard. I was constantly shown role models and taught about their roads to success. I was surrounded by amazing roles when it came to mastering greatness in character and strength but not many examples of  what goes into achieving greatness was in business.

 

If I could sculpt the perfect role model for my 15 year old self she would be confident, not afraid to take risks, have a full time job and 2 money making hobbies, a warm and forgiving heart but a good eye for bulls**t and a solid 5/ 10 and 15 year plan..

 

Let me know who/what the perfect role model for your teenage self would have been?..

.. and “smile why you still have teeth!”

Review: Reg — June 8, 2016

Review: Reg

Reg is portrayed by Tim Roth, a great actor, his IMDd lists the many projects he’s been a part of, I know him from the US series Lie to Me.

In this based-on-a-true-story  drama series Roth plays Reg Keys, a grieving father who takes on Tony Blair and his choice to involve Britain in the early noughties’ Middle Eastern conflict.

In Episode 1 we are introduced to the surviving family members of Lance Corporal Keys and witness their grief as they receive the devastating new of his death. Reg does his best to stay strong for his family and seek answers not only for his but for other families dealing with the loss of their son’s. When he uncovers shocking facts surrounding his sons final moments and the truth about the WMD’s he takes his issues to Downing Street. After receiving several politically correct swerves from the Prime Ministers team Reg begins his own political campaign determined to be a voice for the unheard British population.

As with all BBC dramas this opening episode does not fail to have you hooked from the start. As a viewer I was instantly empathetic with each family member and felt all of their changing emotions as the episode progressed. My favorite scenes were during Reg’s door to door campaign, meeting prospective voters and constituents with similar and  differing viewpoints to his own. The honesty and validity that they portrayed of the British public gave both a comical and eye opening insight to the challenges Reg faced in the early stages of campaigning.

I will definitely be watching the entire series and hope you do too!

Levels To Honesty —

Levels To Honesty

“Now if my tears don’t mean nothing don’t insult me with lies” – Jazmine Sullivan

 

As a child I was taught to always tell the truth no matter what.

So when I went to primary school I was totally baffled by the existence of ‘white lies’. How could not telling the truth be seen as OK?

Secondary school opened my eyes to lies by omission. Giving all the details except for the ones that actually matter. Or simply say nothing.

Self preservation was the main motive behind the majority of these lies – not wanting to get in trouble or simply avoid an uncomfortable situation.

But what about selfless lies?

I can hear my mum now -‘A lie is a lie’. But is truth always the best/right thing?

I have definitely noticed that the attitude towards lies and truths changed as I have grown up and the focus move from facts to feelings.

Watching ‘Reg*’ earlier, a BBC drama about the father of a fallen soldier and his political career following his son death in Iraq, a war now known to based on lies, and was touched when the character confessed that he had allowed his elderly mother to die believing his son was still alive. She died 6 months after his son but I just couldn’t decide whether he was right to do that. It was easy to argue that his action was both selfless and selfish. Later on in the episode he also lied to his grieving wife telling her that his son had not suffered and had been shot once in the head when in fact thirty bullets had been shot throughout his body. She later found out and in his defense he stated that he had told her what she wanted to hear.Which was true.*

Which leads me to my question – in any relationship how honest should you be? Should you be completely honest and transparent? Should you only divulge only what needs to be known? Should you keep hurtful truths secret to spare their feelings?

“You don’t tell people everything”.

Is this good advice?

And if so, what would you say falls into the ‘don’t tell’ category?

 

*